take-u-away

Today i went to the library to study alone. Terrible, i reached at 9am also almost cannot find seats. Luckily, i found one near the printer room, my usual place. Incredible man, i don’t i can stay there for so long. Onli when for a short lunch and short dinner between the 9am to 8.30pm mugging hours.

Actually wanted to join mouse at nanyang house, but thought of yesterday sotong tell me must be independent. Haha. I really dun know what has it got to do with eating and doing things along. Nevermind, just follow her *instructions*, haha. Saw rabbit on the way up the stairs, very tempted to go call her. Resisted for a while. At last, cannot tahan, go call her. Sianz, also like tat onli. Then later ask her for dinner, but she ate already. Haha, think i die die had to stuck to sotong’s advice. INDEPENDENT. Seriously, i still dun know wat is the link. Die, like tat also cannot understand, how to sit for exams? HAHA.

Like tat lor, left the library at 830, go back hall. Then straight away went jogging. Woah man, 179 road really a lot of slopes, but nevermind, good training. HAha.

Tat’s all folks. Henry say the lab report got a lot of things to do. Must go do work le. Sianz

when i got the piece of land. i started sowing seeds to every part of it. After some time, i found out that onli certain portions of the land had seedlings growing out. Then after sometime again, i checked the growth rate. Most of them seems to be shorter than expected, maybe it’s due to the hard weather, but i think certain seeds can onli grow until that much.

The plants are meant to be sold to other places, maybe the plants themselves know. So it’s more convenient for them to grow until that much, so it’s easier to transplant to other places. But i wish when the plants are sold to other places, they are sold when they are blossoming big and tall. Even if it’s more troublesome to do it, i’m willing to take the extra efforts.

how i have changed so much these years. I remembered when i was in poly, i used to listen to chinese songs. Then after which, i switched to english pop. And now i am into oldies, jazz and ballads. Like water taking shape of it’s container, i become more like people around me. I myself couldn’t figure out what person i am. I don’t know what i like, what i am becoming. I’vd changed so much, i dont recognise myself sometimes. Every event which took place changed me a lot. Many times, i feel quite tired of changing already, just wanted to settle down in some container that’s willing to accomodate me for long. AOD

I’m not “perfect”, but i’ll try my best to do so. I want to go on, but afraid i should not. I want to give up, but i could not bear with it. Father, help me make the decision with minimum impact.

i must learn to let go. sometimes, certain things i want, even though i know it’s not suitable for me, i kept perservering, trying to get hold of it. Nah, i know i shouldn’t have it, and will not be able to have it, but i still kept trying. God, help me to get rid of the positive-thinking thoughts for such thinking. I really don’t want to break anything. Not at this time, not at anytime. Let my heart stay focus on the one whom i had been with, is with, and will be with with. Please let me not go through it by the hard way.

The fire cannot withstand cold water.

somehow i really feel like i’m becoming into AOD. Spring comes, summer passed, autumn is here. winter is soon. while the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, and day and night, shall not cease (gen 8:22). the cycle is always present. Father, u want me to pass the test, but you didnt give me anything to help me! u want me to get rid of my walking stick, but that’s the only thing i have now. U want me to have faith, but what about the walking stick?

U asked who is willing to go down and do it. i volunteered fervently. U told me it’s going to be difficult, i said i have faith. Maybe i overstated myself. The cycle has been going on for 2 decades without progress. For the last decade, i have been leaning on my stick to carry on, waiting for helper to come, but it didn’t. how i wished i can passed on the flaming baton and take a rest.

Good and evil, which begins first? if it is good? where does evil comes from? from my opinion, when 2 or more good come together, it becomes “very good”, and better than good. So, compare to the “very” good, good becomes evil. But good and evil cannot strive together. Good began to persecute and judge evil. “very” good becomes “too” good. good, oppressed and deformed to become evil. but to evil, “good” is evil. Father, i’m stucked here and becoming aod. Would u send me a messenger?

Today is the first time i missed cellgroup deliberately for the past 2 years, wanna have a break. Reach ntu at 11.30pm, 2 hrs later than i wanted. Sat down at canteen b to study, but progress v slow. Too comfortable here. Study rate like 1 hr per slide. But nevermind, i feel very relaxed now. Like taking a break from a series of events. Wanted to msn a lot of people, but decided not, always i start talking to people, see who will msn me.
Today i just want to break free from everything i’m trying to hold on.

AOD

Haha, don’t feel like doing work now, even when i’m really supposed to! Slack man. Da Bao tons of lectures and tutorials, don’t even feel like doing. Think i can only have discipline studying in da army. Haha

Sianz, when can i ever get a room in de hall, want a hall desperately, so i can treat it macham like army, then can study. Haha, tons of excuses!!! nVm..

i want to play guitar…..