… July 31, 2005
Posted by takeuaway in Uncategorized.add a comment
today’s mood was quite alright. but after duty while i was travelling alone back home on bus, the thought came to my mind again. haha, i wanted to cut it off, but it became stronger. What to do? It seem quite impossible for it to happen, i know it’s my fault. I ain’t good enough, i still kept back quite a lot of myself. Anyway, i don’t think i have the chance, even though i kept on hoping for the chance. Currently, i don’t know when will it end. Hope that i can indulge in my work w/o thinking about it. Tried once, but failed.
Wala wala July 30, 2005
Posted by takeuaway in Pieces of Life.1 comment so far
Went to wala wala again yesterday night with Junxiang and Mel, It was the 2nd time consecutively for 2 friday nights. A bit addicted to that place, haha. Love the music there, and the liquor is quite worth it, got one for one. Everytime i go there, i'm inspired to learn and practise more songs with my gig, it's a good one.
Yesterday, there's a solo singer who sang before the band. One song he sang was Lin YiLian's "Zi Fei Ji". Wow! that's a very nice song and he sang very well, really, although he kept mentioning he's having a sore throat. Gotta brush up my gig skills, one day i want to sing in a pub.
Actually intended to do my studying this morning, but feel very sian, in the end, end up playing guitar and writing this blog. Haha.
Nevertheless, i've made a promise to finish all my lectures and tutorials for the whole semester in 3 weeks. I gotta bucked up! Whoosh…… going for bookstore duty later….. Oh no, heard from alvin last night that the meeting ends at 10.45!!!! Can i go back earlier to study??? Don't know how to tell siqin. Nah…… don't think she'll allow…. don't care, i'll try. If cannot, then maybe i won't go for the cg bbq tmr. Go for gig lesson then go back study. Haha… really not my style. Studying on a sunday afternoon…. haiz…. promised her i will study hard le….. bo bian… don't know if she'll appreciate. Nevermind, i'll do it.
Okay, tat's all folks
Can’t Sleep July 27, 2005
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It’s the second time this week. The thought came to my mind again, it makes me crazy and i couldn’t sleep! It’s the 2nd time this week. I think it’s over, but i just can’t seem to accept it. I haven’t try yet! I know it’s over, but i don’t want to give up. I know i shouldn’t fell into this, but i just can’t control. Oh God!!! How can i remove this thought from my mind???? I know i’m not good enough to reach but i can’t stop myself. Why???
Would you have mercy on me?
The Crash July 26, 2005
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Today is the official start of my first lesson in NTU, but something horrible happened! I discovered my subjects have changed just early this morning 1am! 3 of my modules are exempted! And i got new modules to study. Why didn't they send an email to tell me? Shit! Have to spend my night printing lecture notes for tomorrow. And the time table also. It's a mess.
Luckily, the day was still alright for me. The lessons went well and were quite easy to understand. For the start only, i don't know what's going to happen for the next few weeks. Met quite a few old secondary school friends, have lunch with them. Quite odd, i expect to meet new people in this new environment. Nevertheless, it's still alright.
Spend my night in the library going through the webstore. It's a waste that the library computers have too much restrictions, i can't do my java programming with the pcs there. I need to get a laptop.
Tmr is flag day, so it's free day for me. Good, can go to work and earn money. If not, i don't know how to survive thru' the building fund. I was thinking of not going to the bbq on sunday…..
Splinter July 25, 2005
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Tmr is the first day of school, or rather today is the first day of school. I couldn’t sleep at all, not because of the anxiety of it, but of the pain i was inflicted. It’s getting unbearable and i had to wake up to write this down. I really need to get rid of the splinter, it’s hooked onto my flesh and it’s there and it’s there and it’s there.
I want to get rid of it, stumped out, threw it far away by 2359.
GOD, please help me!
you’ve told me that the caterpillar will not grow into a butterfly if it didn’t go through the pupa state. but how can i when all is so uncertain….
The Problem July 25, 2005
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It’s a gnashing, gnawing moment.
My lungs’ heated up and my heart’s choked up.
The butterfly was strucked dead but it’s soul still lives.
Multiplying devastatically, it filled up my lungs.
My breath grew difficult, my heart pumped hard.
The sword of the law stucked deep into my heart.
Rebellion has its rewards but the punishment is potent.
But forsaking it to achieve that i really can’t,
And “whump” came the holy sword to prove the word.
How long will the wound last?
The Reason July 24, 2005
Posted by takeuaway in a bit of philosophy.add a comment
There was this alien again. he came to this new world called earth. He changed the shape of his face to resemble the inhabitants of this planet. Carrying 2 big boxes, he start to walk along the streets, peddling his merchandise. On one bag was full of earthly things he collected since he reached earth. It was full of goodies – chocolates, balloons, perfumes, toys, musical instruments, sweets, etc. In the other bag were all the stuff he brought from his home planet. There weren't very appealing things inside, but what was inside were every indication of who he is.
Walking along the streets, many people came to him, wanting to buy his goodies in his bag. He sold many and gave away a lot more, hoping that when that bag is empty, people would want to look for more goodies in his other bag, and he would be able to pour out the contents of that bag to them. But he was disappointed.
While in the process, someone introduced him to the King of that place. After a few meetings with the King, he was entrusted to be a member in the King's court. A trumpet was later given to him to do the work of the King. After his goodie bag was emptied, he discovered that the people wouldn't even lift an eye over his other bag, he began to wonder along the narrow lanes and forest tracks around the city.
he followed the fawn for a short distance before he discovered that the fawn was actually moving towards someone else
He stopped and saw his old, rusty lock ,he discarded some time ago, lying ahead on the track. It brought back memories of his almost forgotten hut, his 2 dogs, a mouse, a duck, a rabbit, two bear cub and a panda. He picked it up and dropped his trumpet. He start to contemplate whether he should go back to his hut, stay there and not come out again.
Should he follow on the fawn or look for a new one? or is it better to return to his hut?
the babe of the morning star July 21, 2005
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Today, i’ve been struggling. The thought conceived a few weeks ago when i first told someone. As days pass when i’m alone, it began to take shape. Every night it grew, but i never thought about it seriously. Then, 2 weeks ago, when the chance came when i thought i can reach over the other side of the line, it vaporised. The period was ecstatical to me. After one week, it toppled.
The thought of it suddenly accelerated back into my mind, feeding on me. It outgrew me. The time has now come when it is ready to materialize. But i want to hold it. I’m hoping that He will pull me back… but my hands have already left the cliff.
I saw KKL, VL, AS, IY, they all passed by the store twice, both times i turned away.
I saw E yesterday, again i did the same thing.
I don’t know what has happened, I’m scared myself
The little story of an alien July 21, 2005
Posted by takeuaway in a bit of philosophy.add a comment
On a distant, small little planet there lived a little creature, we call it "Alien".
He was alone there and all around him was grass, all that he could see was plains of grass. The weather on the small little planet was very bad, it was always raining.
The weather has always been cold and damp for Alien, there wasn't no house for him to shelter, no cave for him to hide. To keep himself warm, he build a house out of his thoughts, a house made of dreams and visions. In his house, he felt warmth and sheltered. He even expanded his house and created living creatures – cats, dogs, mouse, bears, etc to accompany him.
But all these doesn't remove the fact that he's still drowned in the rain, just that his thoughts had gave him comfort. He's still wet and cold physically, but not mentally.
On a rare occasion, when the weather is sunny, while he was curiously glazing at his shadow on the wall, he heard a voice behind him, calling out to him. He turned, but saw no one. The voice spoked again, and eventually after some time talking to the voice, the voice became a friend to him. Plants and animals slowly formed around him.
One day, the voice called out to him, telling him that the rain will be no more, his land will grow into a town, and he will have a family. On the condition that he must move out of his current house made of dreams, forsake it, and travel northwards to the woods. He believed.
He stepped forward a few steps, stepped on some thorns, bled; but continued. At first, the weather was fine, a few creatures joined him on his journey. But after sometime, it began to rain again. All the creatures left him one by one, some left behind a bite. When he began to feel the coldness and dampness again, his former house formed miraculously around him, gave him shelter, provide him food. A few times the rain stopped, and he tried to leave again; but he always end with the same ending again, except that his sense of belonging for his house grew, and he grew more reluctant to press on his journey.
One day while it was raining, a fawn probed by and he played with it for a while. He wanted to make it his companion on his journey, but it kept a distance from him. He wanted to leave his house and look for the fawn, to continue his journey. But it was raining heavily.
Defination of a friend :- someone around you who is interested in your life
